Mary & Jimmy


I am much taller than my wife. Sometimes we stand at the top of the stairs, with me standing one step down so we can hug better. She often tells me she has an almost irresistible feeling to push me down the stairs. How should I feel about this?


I am a bit concerned about her thoughts of pushing you down the stairs. I find that her telling you this is maybe a passive suggestion for you not to stand on stairs. You may consider seeking counseling on this to settle your concerns. Maybe this would be beneficial to you both.


Stay off the friggin’ stairs, buddy!


I have been trying to lose weight. I am about 35 lbs. over my ideal weight and have had some success in losing. Here’s my problem: I love to cook for my husband and son. They love all the foods I should not have, basically the carbohydrates. For example, they love my apple pies, so I make it for them, What am I to do, tell my family to make their own meals? They would starve.

— Mary Ann


Mary Ann: I’m so glad your family has enjoyed your cooking. It’s time for you to do things for yourself. You can make apple pies with no crust for yourself, using just apples and very little sugar substitute or sugar. You can accomplish this desire to feed your family and also satisfy your own cravings. So, keep cooking, but include you in the recipe selection, ok?


You enjoy cooking, right? This is easy. If hubby and son are eating all these carbs, I guarantee they are packing on a few pounds too. So … cook the pies to your heart’s desire.

Next? Send all of it to me!

Serve the boys veggie burgers and spinach.

QUESTION: I’ve been dating a woman after 5 years (as a widower). We seem to get along simply fine and have enjoyed each other’s company. I’d like to take it to the next step, but I am nervous. You see, I love wearing women’s undergarments, especially the silky stuff. My former wife was very understanding about this, and actually ended up buying some beautiful bikini underwear I just love.

I know I should just tell my new love about this, but I am afraid to lose the friendship.



Dear Billy,

I say tread lightly. Just begin moving toward a more intimate relationship and see where it goes. Give it time. If indeed it works, then as you become more intimate and familiar and loving, you can introduce your desires. What you do in the privacy of your home between two consenting adults is your business.

If she chooses to run, though? Don’t chase her.


Don’t be such a chicken! Next time she comes over, greet her at the door dressed in a full garter-belted, lacy/spacy outfit.

“Ta Daaa!”

 See what happens next … right?

QUESTION: I have a bird feeder in my backyard. I get hundreds of birds each day which is so much fun for me to observe. My problem is my neighbor. He keeps coming over complaining about the bird droppings on his car. He blames me for this problem. How do I know if the birds who visit me poop on his car?

Yesterday he started to fire a shotgun into the air, scaring off my birds. He yelled over to me saying he was just “pooped out” with all this and had to get them out of the neighborhood. What can I do?



Dear Phillis, I would simply move the bird feeder.

Considering asking the neighbor to talk about how frightening this shot gun was to you. You also might offer to buy him a cover for his automobile.

Try to come to a peaceful solution to give everyone comfort.


Take the bird feeder down. Sell your house … move to Camden. He’s nuts … life is too short!

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