Jim & Mary

QUESTION: My 22-year-old stepson
just got back from college, but he’s
not showing any interest in finding a
career or moving out. I want to speak
with him about this, but my wife is
insisting we let him grow up at his
own pace. How can I encourage him
to leave the nest without going
behind my wife’s back? — Carlton
I feel your concern. However, maybe
there’s a more positive approach
other than to have him leave. Maybe
you could extend your hand to this
young lad. Take him to dinner, ask
him about his dreams and his aspirations.
Maybe you can help him reach
these things. Do this with love in your
heart. You never know if someone is
just depressed or feeling lost.
I know you can do this, Carlton.
You will be a better man for helping
You’re already going behind your
wife’s back by writing to us … just
saying …
Aside from that, though, here’s a
fool-proof solution: Take him to
dinner, talk to him, and find out what
kinds of foods he likes. Stop buying
any of those foods for the house.
A career will begin to look very,
very good to him.
QUESTION: I’m part of my neighborhood’s
bowling team, but I’m not
very good. The others rib me when I
have a bad game, which is most of
the time. Should I quit the team, or
tell the team to quit making fun of
me? — Gayle
My dear Gayle, please understand
that this is bowling, not surgery.
It is a great gift for one to be able
to laugh at oneself. I can personally
very much relate to your situation. I
belong to a bowling team, and my
bowling is horrible, and yes, the
captain would often say so or make
faces. I would just say I am just
helping to keep the average of the
team low. You can only feel bad if you
allow yourself to. Just laugh, Gayle.
It’s only a game!
Give ‘em all a break, Gayle. Quit. Find
something else to do.
QUESTION: Help! Sandwiches, ice
cream, peanut butter … I can’t stop
midnight snacking! My fridge and
pantry are looking a little bare from
my late-night raids. What can I do
to kick this habit to the curb?
— Sally
Oh, Sally, I do hear your frustration.
Folks actually have different time
clocks for eating. Once a habit has
started it is difficult to reprogram your
night eating. This is what I strongly
suggest: I would first take out all the
items that are bad for you. Then, I also
would make sure your activity during
the day is strong, to help you sleep
through the waking-up time at night.
I also might suggest trying a piece
of gum when you wake, and then try
to meditate to get back to sleep.
Consider gathering up all of your
sandwiches, ice cream, and peanut
butter … place everything in a sturdy
cardboard box … tape it shut … send
the box to me. I got very hungry
reading your question!
QUESTION: My sister broke her leg
last year. While it’s certainly sad for
her, she has been whining for almost
a whole year, and she’s not showing
any signs of progress.
How can I help to snap her out
of it? — Marsha
Oh dear, Marsha. Thank you for
caring. When one suffers an injury,
everything changes for them. It is a
very, very difficult time.
What you can do is call her often
and give her permission to call you
any time, day or night. Comfort her
by letting her know that someone in
this world is with her.
You also might suggest movies for
her to watch at night and bring her
dinner so she doesn’t have to cook.
Again, thank you for caring!
Try walking a mile in her shoes. She’s
not using them right now!
Do You Have a Problem? Ask
Mary &